How we're going to beat the NY Knights
That's right. You read the headline correctly. That is, unless you thought it said "How to make a fabulous plum pudding on only five minutes!" If that's what you read, well...
Anyway, it is true. I've come up with an absolutely fullproof strategy for defeating the NY Knights. And keep in mind, I don't know our own lineup yet! Assuming NY uses the lineup they've been using over the past weeks, here is how we'll win:
Pascal Charbonneau and Irina Krush have been quite the duo for NY so far. However, I believe it could also cause their downfall. The key will be to have our board two play extra fast, and our board one slow. In this way Irina will finish first. After that, no matter the board two result, Pascal will be too distracted by either her happiness or sadness to play his own game, thus giving us a near free point on board one. Oh, and if we need more ammo, I'll simply change the end of the handle from -SF to -PHI. Then Pascal will be totally helpless!
That takes care of the top boards, giving us at LEAST 1/2 from them. Now, onto the bottom boards. US Junior Champ Robert Hess will likely be playing board three. Though he has proven quite formidable in the past few weeks, my keen eye has spotted his weakness. Every game he seems to get inferior positions out of the opening, then comes back to win. Our board three, whoever it might be, will try his hardest to get a WORSE position! Robert, finding himself in completely unfamiliar territory, will simply collapse. That's another point in the bag.
Last, but certainly not least important, is board four. Herman has been on a hot streak lately, winning three games in a row, and even managing to take down the behemoth that is Ilya Krasik. Though there is no clear weakness I could find, I do have a way to secure victory on this board. I don't want to go into too much detail, except to say that if a certain fourth board were to win, I might consider taking him to a certain establishment where certain waitresses are dressed a certain way.
Well, that's all from me. You might ask, why would I reveal our strategy before the big match? Let's just say I have my reasons. Oh, and as a side note, Mr. Phelps your check bounced.